Fighter of A Million Dreams

Dah habis clear dah. Tinggal my rhymes left. My art. And that very letter that I wrote to God when I was crying. I didn’t like to cry, but, I have feelings too. Wow, its been a while since i indulged myself in poetry. When all is done and over, I’ll write, i believe so.

I watched again Spiderman 1 and 2 just before I went back to Melaka. And it did intrigue me on 1 thing. A few quotes to be exact.

"Am I not supposed to have what I want?"
I remembered when Peter said this. Those words struck me really right. Am i not supposed to have what I want in this life? Am I not to be basked in love just like other happy couples? It hit me right in the heart thinking how come my life is so great and in shambles at the same time. I have a great education, great friends and family, great times, but it was always love that kept me down. that was it. That was only it.

"We need heroes in this life. Courageous and self sacrificial…"
Aunt May’s right. The world needs heroes no matter what. It struck me because when I think about it, that’s how I am. I sacrificed my own time and self just for the sake of others. If they had problems, they know I can be contacted, and still layan them even if I find myself busy these times. No matter what had happen, Ifa was always coming to me for help, and I never even complained how she came to me. Others too, I was happy to help, and at times, I do need time to help my ass too. But, that actually happens, really rarely. really rare. I don’t see that often in my life.

"Isn’t it time someone else saved you?"
Mary Jane was right. Isn’t it time Peter was saved by someone else? He should, he should have his own love, and he sacrificed it because he loved the ones close to him, that he didn’t want them to know and let them be involved in his life. Basically, my case was similar. Ok, i’m not saving the world from criminals and so forth, but when i kept on thinking about it, isn’t it time someone saved me? Save me from my love-life and made me happy in heart? Maybe because I don’t have the worth to be saved. Perhaps I was not worthy of being saved, that’s why I’m still alone. If that’s the case, don’t worry, I’ll still save others. I’m still a counselor in my own self. I’ve always been that guy who helps others in this life, even if friendship was meant to help one another only. I don’t blame you, and I will be there for you.

Maybe I’ll put lesser posts like this. I am of course grieving about my love life. When others think they aren’t worthy, trust me, they haven’t seen my life yet. Don’t worry ladies and gents, if you think your life sucks, put a benchmark above mine. As long as you’re not in my place, then, that’s your life is much better than mine. Trust me on that.

Much Love, and grief, Azlil.Ash.