Fighter of A Million Dreams

Hahaha. I was actually searching for the press conference for yesterday’s news, and look at what happened. Final Fantasy XIII is now coming for the 360 also. So they went multiplatform. Is it a big deal? you bet it is.

For the uninitiated, Final Fantasy is by far one of the best gaming franchises to have ever been established since it first debuted in on Nintendo’s NES and SNES consoles. What happened though, was Sony developed the Playstation. From there, people decided to go that way with them considering more space to build games on. The Final Fantasy one was no different.

Throughout the years the Final Fantasy series has long served the Playstation house for so long, creating so many fans of the epic game franchise. In the end though, the bomb was dropped yesterday on the fanboys of Sony after 15 years ago when it happened to the Nintendo front. A backstab move on the company? I don’t believe so.

You see the times have changed. When people thought Sony would reign forever, they were wrong. And actually, both companies were considering how Nintendo is still the best selling console for the world. though, what should be thought of is that this happens because of the Nintendo Wii is seen as a supplement, and not really as a huge contender to the other 2. Innovation won the hearts of money, yet NIntendo still needs a really good online implementation system, and not numbers.

Back to the story though, it has come to my attention that people have cried due to exclusitivity. Some like it, some hate it, some love it so much that when they weep, they weep blood. And saying that is only underestimation.

From how I see it, I say congratulations to the guys at the Xbox 360 front. They’ve got it and they should be really happy to get the game to their console. For the PS3 fanboys, chill. It has happened before, doesn’t mean it won’t happen again. By the looks of it, Japan will still reign with the PS3 (360 was already pronounced dead years ago) and free region capabilities is something that we should be proud of.

I still don’t think like 3ROD. That’s too major of a hardware problem. you won’t see me get my 360 before my PS3, that’s for sure. But I would really like to see what the powerhouse is going to bring to the masses. If you ask me, something is really fishy here and our answers will probabbly be answered tomorrow.

Much Love, Azlil.Ash

It struck to me yesterday when i was enjoying my KFC during lunch outside of office. While having the snack plate, and cheated a bit with a cheezy wedges, hehe, i was rudely disturbed by a young man, who wanted to collect donation for a house.

Now in Malaysia, this sort of thing is really commonplace. You can see people coming up to you asking for donations for certain houses, associations, the special people, so on and so forth. Though common, I can attest to this.

You do not disturb people with other matters when you are eating.

Honestly where the hell is manners? You don’t talk about stuff like that on the table. You don’t talk about saving the world, giving help. You talk on the things that makes you feel being with people in the world. Being with your loved ones, having a great day with each other. But you see, this is what happens in the cultural society today, where people beg for "help" I’ll explain later on that.

Another thing that makes me ponder also is the people who sell pirated CD’s. I wouldn’t mind if they decided to have a booth (but still, if u kena tangkap, your problem) to sell, but to approach at others in makan stalls? Do people not know what it means by rudely disturbing others good time with their meal? Food is to be enjoyed to the maximum point of its taste, using ur brains to feel every single flavor, and not to be interrupted by the next Dark Knight movie or whatever. That’s purely crap.

Regarding the "help" i said, you see the thing is, there is actually no reason for the houses to find and beg for charity. There is so many other channels (cue government) to request money from. In fact, if you do realize it, the people who lived in such houses by far live even better than most of us who work like hell to get money (cue drum set). There is a scenario, where they believe that the money has really ran out, but if u asked me, special people are also people. With proper education, a job to help around not just in the house, but also as a small business, there shouldn’t be any begging for charity. For example, the states are great enough to utilize the orphans as people who may well do business to gather money for their house. The girl scout’s cookies worked, why shouldn’t it do for us?

Begging is really the easy way out isn’t it? Then I guess its no more charity then, it is defined as forced to cough up cash. If you see it in people, the eyes, the face, most of those people who do pay, are the ones who have in their mind "get away from my meal". But the collectors don’t care, because they want to force you.

I said no yesterday. Not only that, upon adding a few more words that he did not listen to at all, he immediately followed such a scripted way of talking. And his facial expression does not show at all that it is hard to approach to someone to talk to. What are you looking for kid?

In the old days, those who were lazy were the ones who were not anywhere in possession of wealth. Those who did something, they earned and lived well in their life.  As for me, I wouldn’t know what else is there left for me to say on what gives on these certain types of people. I would like to suggest that they do stop begging and provide a service for people. There are lots of services in this world that we can relate and work together to build a better economy and a harmounious surrounding. Over there where we will see charity, and ikhlas. That is true charity.

Hope the world grows up with me on this.

Much Love, Azlil.Ash

Blink blink and its nearly 21 years since I’ve arrived on Earth. Wow, I’m gonna be an adult already in 1 month’s less time. Creepy? Scary? hardly considering that I don’t feel like I’ve grown up much.

But I wanna point out that I do feel a certain level of getting up from the norm. Perhaps my gf, life and its events makes me think on the qualities I grew up with. Changes are imminent yet certain, but this seems to be much like how we want to be better than others. Perhaps?

The ride has been slow, and it too has been fast. I’m bracing on to a new world, or is it actually defines it so? That we don’t really have to be 21 to signify ourselves as adults, but rather at any age possible, we may already be an adult, or still a child. Perhaps at heart or at mind.

I ponder what may happen in the future. At least, get big for it.

Much love, Azlil.Ash.

What constitutes to stress in life? is it high grades, big houses, getting uber rich and spending lots of things like hell? Or is it the real cause comes from actually the definition of life? Lets explore.

When I was younger, my teacher used to say that kids don’t have stress. Obviously speaking that on her side, it shouldn’t be so because we are all in a situation where we decided to be what we want to be and we want to do, along with having no responsibilities in life and enjoying it by playing lots and lots of plays. The thing is, if we looked at the kids side, they obviously have stress because of how the high grades they have to achieve in this life to make their parents proud. Though this doesn’t really apply to the "i don’t give a crap about life" type of people, but they too actually have their own stress. But on the kids side, you can see clearly that actually everyone is stressing out themselves, resulting in people dying faster. Well, that’s how my mom likes to put it.

Then, lets warped to the students of universities. yesh, these are the ones who achieved the good grades and placed themselves for higher education. More stress? Some might think so. In Malaysia, some people take life as in they were in the states, partying all night long, and finding the easy way out of college before sinking into the world of employment. Some faced the same stress, but more because the demand for the grades are getting much more worst seeing as how more and more people are being educated in this life. And then there’s jobs, money, bla bla bla.

Then, lets go to the employment factor. If the kids of malaysia already are having problems of unemployment, that’s already a major stress to begin with. And those who have comfortably asked money from their parents will realise how brutal life can really hit you in ways that you can’t imagine. Money is a big responsibility. But in situations say you get robbed, you are asked whether to put the money in front or your life in frony. Guess we’re not afraid to lose money yet we are so afraid to lose our life in such a situation. but perhaps, maybe it is a really big waste for us to just die like that. Heck, even robbers have stress too.

So, per usual human behavior, which is the factor that we want to point a finger on? Money? Lies? Sex? Love? The answer is probably,

Money.

Simple isn’t it? We can’t get enough of it, we want so much of it, and we never stop wanting it. But earlier, I have pointed out of the real cause, which is definitely how we define life. Even money itself was created by humans, but Gold was created by God. So what gives?

The attraction of Gold, is not gone actually. It is still there, it is still wanted, but as a luxury good. you know, like those mercedes that people have, its more or so like that. But in actual fact, we actually value having gold more than paper money. You can’t burn gold. even if you melt it, it can still harden again, and the excess will be scrapped off and become Gold dust. Do you see that even dust has value here? yet, take a paper money, rip it off, and wala, ur out of RM1, RM2, RM5, so on and so forth if you have cut the price of the paper. burn it, and u can’t use it anymore also. The education of money has gone haywire that the people who now keep gold, are probably the people who understand well enough what real value is.

Since you’ve seen the volatility of the paper, you have to ask yourself why is it something like this happens in your life? Why should you think so hard of money and how to obtain it? Take the fuel price hike, PM has a point as saying that Malaysians should change their lifestyle. Good call, but as an elected representative of the people, he has no right at all ask us to do us Only our family member and friends can do such and such. a rep is just a rep, not a dictator of rules.

Like anybody else, I have dreams too. I want a big house, a great living environment, good food to eat at, nice holidays to spend with the ones love, plays games and still enjoy my life as it is. but you see, I don’t sit around asking for a hike in my salary, or bitch at the streets on an increase. I keep moving on and endure the hike first. In my life, I don’t profiteer. I dun ask money from anyone, but I provide a service to people that is obligatory for them pay my wage. And the wage is on terms with my work. That’s how I keep moving and make due. That’s how i define money. You do something, and you  work hard. If you feel your work is not rightly compensated, bring it up to HR. And don’t bitch people considering the fact that people increase prices because of fuel prices, and you decide to take up the chance to ask for a hike from there. That is totally lame and degrading.

Great quality comes at great prices. That’s right. Trashy quality comes at trashy prices, that is also right. But we over here, let other people sway us in a way they desire that we are constantly bossed around. i will have you know that I love Carls Jr. Rm20 for a burger set is expensive correct? But I always adhere to the principal. I have no problem paying the price of RM 20 for a large Superstar burger, simply because its worth it. Mr. Umar Ibrahim Vadillo has told me before, you have a right to choose. Even in his book he says his works is for all, but of course, you can’t copyright someone elses book and publishing like that without having permission now?

We live in that world of stress. The way to break away from it, is not those exercise, vacation things, which actually leads to more stress in the future if ur not careful. But rather, on how you want life to be for yourself. My gf gave me a quote yesterday on what life really is for people, "Shoot for the moon, but if you missed, you would still land on the stars" WIth the right amount of effort and the hopes and ambitions you have, you should have no problem of achieving what you want in this life. But that quote is also a great reminder of telling yourself that you should still smile on what you have now, and keep on fighting for that better life in the future.

Define your life the right way it should be. That way, all the stress in the world, is can never get to you anymore.

Much Love,

Azlil.Ash.

In life, I have always said it is never hard, and never easy either. If u look at my prospect and how i deal with it, u might think i have a good life already. That’s what i believe.

I live in a small house in a family of 4. I love my family. But in that small house, there never really was an emphasis of what luxury could really mean to us all. Over the years that i have struggled with studies and life, i have always thought that simplicity is good to have and sufficient. Whats left is finding a way to ensure that u get access to Heaven.

But u noe, i’ve always been thinking of how hard life puts me on the spot. And it is really not easy at all for me to cope. If u know me, so far u’ve heard me pay for my video game consoles, my 1st Nokia handphone, and my partly paid for bike. To my friends, the one who’s nearest to me and known me from school, most would say i am rich because i have assets that are mine. In a bigger world, and especially at my age, I’m very much lacking behind.

Looking at the world itself, we have evolved that even the youngest of people may find a great idea, and make it so appreciative that it works and he or she earns. In a prospect of a young person, the money earned, is partly his or hers, and spent mostly on his or her own terms. Rarely, you would see that the young person, gives and contributes some of his money, to the family.

That’s the spot where i’m tight on. In my prospect, I dont have an allowance. You heard it right. But where do i get my stuff from? The money, i ask from my parents, are kept with me. Sometimes, I don’t eat expensively at school, and I skip breakfast, but not at home. So there’s the money that i basically asked for, and I don’t ask much.

In MMU, i don’t save, because the money i use is just enough for me to spend on. it basically covers what i eat, rent, bills. tats it, basic necessities. No more no less. Besides, its what i ask for. But nowadays, i’ve been asking a bit more, so that I can save on my own. And my mum, still helps me with summore.

And I’m grateful enough to have a scholarship. Its basically only a discount for my course, which at first i was really hoping to get it fully covered, so that i need not burden my parents. But, thats the hard part i had to take on.

I have the world on my shoulders. And yes, my world is on it. Its a big burden on me, but tats what life is setting out its course on. And at the right time, i must be careful of the opportunities i’m given. I cant just bank my money in. Any business would have its own risk.

Looking at the prospects of my future, i have to earn a lot to satisfy a lot of people. My parents have been taking my family to eat outside of home, and its cool, because we never really had that. I might see my family go on a vacation this year. And next year, i really plan and hope to get my family a new and at least bigger house. I’ve been scouting, and they seem interesting.

Along the road, besides the saving, i deserve some spending. So, in a years time, i believe things will change for the better. The only thing left for me is,

1. How to maintain my scholarship, because its the only ticket for me to come up higher than most graduates.
2. how to lift my families feeling of comfort. Its a small house, and we deserve bigger.
3. How to get a better life out of the hardest of work.

Beginning industrial training, i will be also starting on my project. I need to find ways to work hard and smart, so that i may kill the final semester with ease. I need a break from studies, and do lots of reading and learning on life and things. I think its high time for me to learn how to buy a car, house and so on. And who’s to stop me? Just like any other individual, we are trying to make a better life, especially for our parents. This is my duty as a son, my responsibility as a future husband. And its also my responsibility, to be that servant of Allah. I’ll work hard and smart, and pray for the best. Amin.

Much love, Azlil.Ash.

I read a bunch on my coming exams. My Malaysian Economy is up first, so I went on a go with that. then i realized, I have yet to read on more things in this world that has to offer.

Truth be told, I met my lecturer Mr. Halim on my final year project. I knew from the very beginning if it were to be under his tutelage, the end result I would get was not a paper with an A grade, but experience and a whole lot more. I already knew he was going to warn me, as he truly wants to emphasize on quality. So i decided, that since other lecturers would show me the "get away easy" style of doing the FYP, I believe he can make a fine man out of me, and I would love to see that report published as a journal (And that ain’t easy).

As I was saying, i haven’t read much, about being a man, sexual activities, financial things, gaming news so on and so forth. I realized, that I need to go more than just that. I mean, being criticized by my future wife on not knowing house measurements and features is a really a big blow on my manhood. Moreover, I at least need to learn how to renovate a house. My dad knows how, so why shouldn’t I?

What defines a man now? Is he loyal, respectful, wise? There are lots of qualities of being a man, but nowadays, we have feminine men. men who are too emotional (Yes, I’m raising my hand up for this too). Yet, I believe, real men are not women. They don’t behave like them, at all. Yet, they aren’t cold, mean and totally unapproachable.

I began body building 2 years ago. I was under the impression that chicks love a guy with a hot bod. I was right, but its just a small step. there’s a lot more that chicks want in a man. A whole lot tat i never realized until now. And trust me, I am way behind all that.

I remember in Dead Poets Society, it was very much about learning to tell yourself on how to seize the day. And through dat, is by doing it. And is what should be done. We should just do it, no questions asked. If we want something so bad, do it. And ignore the world. The lecturers in my university did what they had to in order to get to where they are. Why shouldn’t I? I don’t want to stay in an aircon job forever. I want to do things that branches from farming to education. I want the World to see that 1 man is powerful as a fireant. But not many realize that at all.

I’ve did a few things in my life that I should be proud off. But it won’t stop there. InsyaAllah, with the belief I have in Allah to show me on how I should live in this life, I am positive that I can achieve true wealth, help my brothers and sisters all around the world, and in hopes I am accepted in heaven along with the people who work hard to be there with. Its ambitious, but nobody said its not doable. Nothing is easy, but nothing is hard either. So here’s to me, fighting for my 1 million dreams, and this time, the world is involved.

Much Love, Azlil.Ash.

I am mentally unstable. Yes, that is my condition. Regardless of what you may see me as happy and fine, i am actually unstable. Purely unstable. The weirdest part is, no one knows.

Perhaps that makes me a step closer in being a man. A guy who practically made aware of himself that his emotion was kept within, and no one knew. Its not that I am truly unstable. It is that i am in a mode of soul searching. To find out what i am truly capable of in this life. But I’ve come to a point.

I don’t want changes around me, which is childish of me, yet i think that i should change inside, which is also childish of me. Things have happened, life has been good, and life definitely, has changed. I have changed my method of study (no more 2 hours a night thing, which is better compared to not studying at all), my method of food intake (more, which is better than less in bulking up), just to name a few. And yet, i don’t want anything else besides me, changing.

Naive. That’s the thought. That’s the thinking. That’s the foolishness. I am in distraught these few days, burdening myself with thoughts unwanted, and future oriented. Mom said not to think about the future, its not yet the time. And she’s right. 100% as she claims. hehe. I’ve laid out the things necessary already for the future, so stop dreaming, stop thinking, and work to it.

I feel small, and antlike small. But the past few days, i realized, that just like anybody else, i am a fireant. I sting, terribly, and i give a big impact towards the people around me. the magnitude of my decisions, go way beyond that what i have expected. For example, Mom freaked out when she thought i was going to bulk up like Malik Noor (which is actually, impossible due to gene limitations. Probably nearest would be to Jet Li or Jackie Chan). But after correct explanation, the dust was settled.

Evidently, i am becoming much more foolish as it goes. I hope I meet a conclusion soon, as more dusts need to be cleaned, and cleansed. I am totally needing to get myself off from a lot of things, I need to lie down and just lie down there. Soul searching isn’t easy for me, and I don’t really tell anyone about it. Nobody knows, except me, Allah, the readers of this blog. I realized deep within, i do have much to lose, and yet much to gain.

God, make me capable of taking other changes around me. I worry I am not attractive to my gf anymore, i worry if i am not able to liven up to expectations as people have wanted me to fulfill to. I carry a heavy burden, and I have very little to cool off. I know i am ungrateful, truly, that is the case. Yet I hope you could straighten me up. No, you can’t, I have to do it on my own. And You, guide me all along. You’ve given me opportunities, chances, so many offerings, I have yet to assemble and gather any of them. May I ask, if some things, remain the same, until a certain time, where I am ready to accept the change? fact is, when is the ready?

Others are changing, I can’t stop them. I can’t take each and every one of it yet. Its a struggle i have to go through. It’ll burden my head again, I know. But its what I gotta do. I have to change, and change along. I’m scared, nonetheless. Nobody is around to help me through, and get it off me once in a while. Its been my battle, so why should anyone else be a part of it? Its my war. And this blog, serves as how much I want to let out. Distraught mind people, and I doubt anybody reads this. Thoroughly. I’m a guy, I don’t share my problems, i end them.

Once again, I have to take it slow. I have other commitments, responsibilities to adhere to. At one time, I wish I could deload from it all, and i do so. I wish I could just relax, and not dream of the future, make up imaginations of it. And just be blank. No, sleeping won’t help my poor mind. I just need to be blank for a while.

Just for a while.

Much Love, Azlil.Ash.

Deep within a man’s heart, lies emotions that he noes he has to sustain. He noes deep within, he should not, ever, let his emotions go out. Be it in any way possible, he is a man, as cold as stone. Heartless, emotionless. that is what he must hold within.

He rarely, will let anyone noe what he has inside. He sumtimes releases it to his pals, the man around him. Because in this circle, is where he could really pour out. He can cry, and yet be understood of what he has to take inside. It is ok to let it out, but only to the right persons. Some, do it alone. Crying in the dark, where no one ever knew, and no one ever realizes. Outside, he is cheerful, happy, outgoing, friendly, compassionate, strong. All the capabilities of a man. But deep down in hiding, his heart lets all out, and his mind allows him to.

It is that sort of attitude that real men do have. The current generation men? they have been embracing their "feminine" side. they cry out aloud, they act as chivalrous, they become a bunch of whining men who are indeed a cumbersome. Annoying. They are the current generation men.

So where are the knight in shining armors? Where are the true males? They, are still there, untouched and unnoticed by how women want men to be more emotional, only to have what they want turn against themselves. Ever noticed, how men are stomped by women who are higher paying, higher status, better careers? Those are the toy boys, the males that get pick and kicked as they like, and in the end, these women dump them. their sexual lives are not fulfilled, they don’t get the man they desire. That is what happens to them.

Life has a balance to all of it. We males have our roles. Yet, in this generation, the males have truly, been different. Notice the gurls that are with guys. The real guys that gets chicks nowadays, are bad boys, because they are risk takers, they do more than what the average joe does. Why do rempits have chicks? Easy, because they put their lives on the line for excitement, and women find it thrilling. Trust me, there are some very good looking and great status’ed women with those kind of guys. And yet, what happened now? Guys don’t take numbers anymore in this country, the daring ones do, and they get them. Not just one night stands, but some even go a lot more than just that.

I’m tired of looking at myself in the mirror. People have been wanting me to change as how they want it, but i don’t see anyone who says, "You are who you are. I’m happy for that." I’m tired, and I just wanna lie down and listen. I don’t wanna do the talking, i just wanna do the thinking. Of life and the hereafter. I have much to catch up, i have much left behind to be successful off. So, i will smile, like i have always done recently, and keep on doing so until i want to scream and shout, as i desire. No one stopped me before, and they will never do so. I’ll be quiet now, and listen.

Much Love, Azlil.Ash.

Proton Saga, or Perodua Myvi? Maybe the new Proton MPV. Who knows. I’m having trouble on that department now.

My heart says go for a Honda Accord. Yes yes, far beyond my reach. Its almost like a 200k car. And that alone should be driven by my father. (Manually. My dad and I take great pride with a manual shift) But I don’t know. If i could already afford an Accord, it would be great.

But I guess, i’m stuck with the 2 option. I’m gonna have to test drive both to see how it really feels for me. I’m mesmerized by how the new Saga is made into, an original design. And looking at the Myvi, might as well get Toyata Passo for that matter. Perodua just copy pasting, no originality. But who am I to judge eh?

The Saga is indeed cheaper, and the Myvi, well, you need to patch up a few more k’s to get it. Its either the M Line Manual Saga, or Myvi Manual Sxi. I do not like auto. Its fun and easy to ride, but i like a stick.

Well, let’s get the cash first, then cough up what ever we need for the car. Hoping to get mine after i graduate. Within that 6 month time period. But, looking at waiting lists, it might not be easy for me to get a car the next day, just like my bike. So, if that becomes the matter, I will find a way.

Much Love, Azlil.Ash.

O captain my captain,
be the first words ye hear,
For Carpe Diem be second,
more lovely to your ear,
And how have you aged,
fine and remarkable,
a bloody mess you’ve created,
the white lilies, are now roses in hold,
for such life ye have,
for such bravery,
where thy honor be?
For it in the heart of many?
Or those of slavery.
You are wise, and yet young
And you have shown,
a desk set be flung,
you forget not of your desire,
you forget not of your dreams,
for that is where you’ve flown,
at reality, is now your dream.
Owh Neil,
poor soul,
Or truly, a lucky one?
Free from the world of its chains binding you,
letting snowflakes grace your skin as you smile,
you have grown,
you are wise.
Such a waste of talent,
such a pity i see,
for how sad i am for you,
you deserve to be you.
You deserve that open sky,
when clouds find new friends,
see it through your eyes,
how vast is the limit, it’ll never end.
Where do we stand today Neil?
Absolutely lower than you.
We are chained,
but not you.
Fly free my friend.
And Seize The Day.
O captain my captain,
you have taught well,
he is smiling upon us,
we bid him well.
We may die tomorrow,
but today, we shall live again.
Carpe Diem.
Carpe Diem.

Dedicated to a good friend of mine, Neil Perry from Dead Poets Society.

Edit: To those who know this, basically this is plagiarism. Don’t commit it. I’m only giving you spoilers on the story. the rest, you have to find it yourself.

Much Love, Azlil.Ash.